How To Be An Art Music Composer by S&LD
1. Write Shit
2. Repeat Shit because the Shit you wrote was Too Short
3. Don’t use Key Signatures, It makes You look Weak
4. Only use Time Signatures like 7/8 or 17/16 if You want Hot Chicks all over Your Nuts
5. Use 64th Notes in a Slow Tempo, even though Your Idea could Probably be Done with Quarter Notes in a Fast Tempo
6. Ask Players for Errors in Playability
7. Ignore Players’ remarks about Errors in Playability
8. Replace all Flats with Quarter Flats and Sharps with 2/3rd Sharps
9. Use a Foreign Word, a Theoretical Concept or a Made Up Word for the Title
10. In the Program Notes, Mention that the Piece was Inspired by the Cosmic Movement of Celestial Bodies in Relation to the Fibonacci Sequence
11. Rehearse the Piece
12. If a Player Demonstrates Two Ways of Playing Something and Asks Which One You Want, Always Pick the Second Way
13. How Long should a Piece be Rehearsed? Doesn’t Matter. The Players will still be Sight-Reading at the World Premiere.
14. If there are Errors in the World Premiere, Tell People it was Supposed to Be Like That
15. Music is Subjective: It doesn’t Matter if People don’t like Your Music. All that Matters is that You like Your Music and that You Enjoy the Process of Creating Something that is Part of an Artform enjoyed by a Very Small Portion of Earth’s Population.
16. Don’t Listen to Your Music in Public, It Makes You Look like a Twat
